Farewell, January 2010!

January. As a whole I have to say that this is probably the best January I have ever had, in recent memory at least. Normally, January is filled with broken resolutions and waning hopefulness but this year was different. I have made a real conscious effort to accomplish everything I set out to do. Of course, these accomplishments were achieved with varying levels of success but the fact they were achieved is what matters. In the past, my perfectionism has gotten the best of me, standing in the way of my success. However, this year I’ve decided to be kinder to myself and not allow that nagging “not good enough” self-talk to sabotage me. And this one seemingly little tweak in attitude has made an enormous difference in my day-to-day happiness. Voltaire was quoted as saying, “Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien” or roughly translated to “Perfect is the enemy of the good.” And really do any of us strive to have a “perfect life?” No, a good life is all I’m after.

So here are the things that colored January 2010 for me:

Writing Everyday. This was the first habit I hoped to accomplish in the new year. Using the 6 Changes approach, I have four more weeks to greater solidify my new “Write Everyday” habit. I am so pleased that I choose this as my first habit to form. It came much more naturally to me than I ever thought possible. The four weeks of January have been filled with expressiveness. Not only have I blogged everyday that I set out to, but I now write nightly in a small Moleskine daily planner (it’s pages are so small it’s sort of the equivalent of a nightly Twitter on paper,) and I now keep a private, hand-written journal. The surprise favorite has been my private journal. There is something so intimate about sitting down with a blank page and a pen in hand. It reminds me of when I first started writing. Also, in today’s world of everybody-shares-everything via blogs, Facebook, and Twitter it is so refreshing to have a place meant just for me.

Finished two books. Admittedly, I am not a speed reader. I like to take my time with my books. I feel like it allows me to soak in as much of the story as possible. It also helps me retain many more details than if I read more quickly. Another one of my new habits for 2010 is to Read More. According to the 6 Habits each-habit-gets-8-weeks method, I am not due to tackle this one until late summer. Hopefully, by the end of the year I will have upped my average. I read solely for pleasure so it is difficult to find any time other than just before bed and depending on how tired I am I may only get through a couple of pages. Reading is also imperative to good writing so it needs to serves me more than your standard leisure activity. With all that being said, I am pleased that I finished at least two books this month. Both books were part of the Jill Kismet series written by Lilith Saintcrow and I am enjoying them quite a bit.  I also took the time to update my collecting-dust-until-now Goodreads account.

The PERFECT journals. I have to say this was a major thing for me this month. I have been buying and/or making journals for as long as I can remember and never has any journal served me as perfectly as my new Ecosystem journals. I cannot say enough good things about them. They have enough sizes and page formats to probably suit just about anyone’s needs. I love them so very much. In the last three weeks I have filled about 15 pages in my private journal and 10 pages in my Shadow Ridge journal. The newer blue journal is still blank but I have great plans for that one! =)

Health care. This is more suited for My Mount Everest but it belongs here too. I have started taking the steps to find a new doctor that will help take control of my health. This is a huge deal for me and in just doing the act of making appointments and not settling I am really facing a lot of fears. My search will continue into February so I am sure there will be more days filled with anxiety over it but there is freedom in facing fears so I say, “Bring it on!”

Got Organized! There were several things that I did this month of help me keep things in place or to keep me on task. Some things I’ve already shared here like my obsessive addiction to my journals and Moleskines (yes, I know, technically, these are also journals but they are so special I have to call them by name. Also, while I am indulging in a tangent, one of my pet peeves is when people call things by brand names when they are not really that brand: Not all tissues are Kleenex, not all photo copiers are Xerox machines, and not all DVR’s are TiVo’s! OK, I’m done.) Hmm… where was I? Oh, yes… organization. Ha! Other things that have helped me immensely are is my Google Tasks, getting ahead on a year’s worth of birthday cards using a fun accordion file, and using small cosmetic bags inside my handbag to tidily keep the plethora of small items I always want at hand and rainbow of gel pens I always have on me. I also got some tiered shelves to house my growing OPI Nail Polish collection and decorative hooks for all of my necklaces. I will including photos of these some time this month, just to share some snapshots of my life.

Stormy weather. California was hit by some pretty heavy storms in January. I adore the rain. I also get very lazy in the rain. So, these storms served as a great test to see if I can stay focused and motivated enough to accomplish some of my goals. Glad to report I passed.

The passing of J.D. Salinger. “The Catcher in the Rye” is one of my all-time favorite books. It touched me in a way that other books have not. It may have been the time in my life or any number of reasons but it’s story has always stayed with me. I am embarrassed to admit that I haven’t read any other Salinger works besides Catcher. I ordered “Franny & Zooey”, “Nine Stories”, and “Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters” to further my Salinger “education.” He was a true talent, may he rest in peace.

Meet Sara Dalton

Photography: Ramdaq Model: Hollie Swain

Just thought I’d share a little story I was inspired to write for Sara Dalton, a new character I am working on inspired by the photo above.  I mentioned her yesterday as one of the things I love.  Lots more to come.  Enjoy.

He pushed his spectacles up on the bridge of his nose as he thoughtfully gazed at the girl. She sat up on the sofa with perfect posture and her gloved hands folded in her lap. Her pale skin glowed in the lamplight as she politely allowed him a moment to take her in. She reached up and pushed a loose tendril of her white-blond hair behind her ear, her bright blue eyes awaiting his next question. He was truly taken by her ethereal beauty and his face blushed him he caught himself staring.

He adjusted in his seat and asked, “So, what does it feel like when you have these ‘episodes?’”

She took a small breath, “It feels as if I am falling.”

“Falling?” He questioned.

“Yes, as if I am falling down an endless pit. My stomach flutters up and I become completely weightless. It is terribly black but I sometimes see things…”

She stopped mid-sentence as the doctor’s eyebrows raised. She’d been in this position before. The last time she was honest about her condition they locked her in a hospital for a month and gave her elixirs that made her dull. He sensed her apprehension and gently reached out and placed his hand on hers in an effort to make her feel comfortable.

She glanced down at his hand and quietly thanked God that she was still wearing her gloves. She swallowed hard as she continued, “At times, I see flashes of different images in the blackness. Sometimes, they are clear but often times they are jumbled and confusing.”

He softly squeezed her hand as he whispered, “What sort things do you see, Sara?”

“All sorts of things. Glimpses of things that have not yet come to pass…”

“You mean to tell me that you can see the future?” He interrupted.

“Not just the future. Also, the past, the present, or even places I have never been. And on a clear day I can sense a person’s intentions or hear his thoughts just by touching them.”

The doctor quickly pulled his hand away, his face turning bright red.

“Not to worry, Doctor. These block the contact needed for such a feat.” She smiled as she held up her hand and wiggled her fingers.

She took her chance to turn the tables. “Do you fear me, Doctor? Do you fear what I am capable of?”

He licked his dry lips and stammered, “N-no. On the contrary, my dear, I am quite interested in you and your condition.”

She smiled and straightened the bodice of her dress, looking for a brief moment of relief from her corset. She looked at the man’s red face and could see his discomfort. He took the pocket watch from his waistcoat glancing at the time and nervously looking back at her. She closed her eyes and the world went black. Images of men in white coats, her wrists strapped to a bed, a hypodermic needle…

She opened her eyes and asked, “How exactly do you intend to help me?”

The doctor squirmed in his chair, “Well, Sara, there was several medical options to cure your condition: medication, bed rest, and some experimental therapies.”

“What if I told you that I wasn’t interested in ‘curing’ my condition.” She inquired.

“Your family was very clear, Miss Dalton. They brought you here for treatment…”

He interrupted him, “I can assure you, Doctor, that I do not require a cure. I am gaining more and more control over my powers with each passing day.”

He knitted his eyebrows together not quite understanding what she meant. She stared at him with her piercing blue eyes and he felt his chair begun to shake. Startled, he tried to stand up but was quickly shoved back down by an unseen force. His begging eyes looked to the girl and she smiled as she slid his chair across the room. The force caused him to hit his head on the wall. Then suddenly his desk darted across the room with an enormous amount of speed pinning him to the wall.

She gracefully stood, adjusted her dress, and strode over to the terrified man. She bent forward to speak quietly to the doctor, “I strongly suggest that you inform my parents that these decisions be left to me.”

She removed her right glove and gently touched the doctor’s cheek to further “convince” him to honor her request. She then quickly shuffled back through his thoughts just for her own amusement. She wasn’t surprised to see what she did but she gave him a rough pat on his face and said, “A doctor shouldn’t have such depraved thoughts about his patients.”

She returned the desk to it’s original position with a flick of her hand just as the man slumped over unconscious.  She gathered her bag and parasol and primly left his office.

The Journey Begins

Art by Daniel Lieske

“My journey begins on an old and dusty attic. A little boy unveiled a passage to another world and prepared his backpack. The moment is there – the moment of gathering courage and doing the first step.

I wanted to paint a picture about the nature of journeys. I wanted to show, that you always have to leave something behind if you want to reach for a distant goal. The boy’s belongings are on the left side, as well as his cat and the place he calls home, which shines a warm light from below the attic trapdoor. On the right side I arranged things that symbolize the journey. There you find the globe, the telescope, the ship, the bust of the great Homer and the skeleton which stands for the last journey. My goal was to create a tension between the two worlds, so the perspective lines are arranged to build a subtle drag into the glowing painting.

I also wanted to paint a picture about us artists. We constantly struggle to open doors to other worlds with our artwork and by creating foreign landscapes and fantastic creatures we fuel the imaginations of our spectators. Our paintings literally become portals into the realm of fantasy and that’s why in my painting the zig zag path formed by the road in the painting and the carpets on the attic floor ultimately leads to the viewer – to invite him to venture on a journey of his very own.”

-Daniel Lieske, 7th of May 2006

The first time I saw this painting I stared at it for a good 20 minutes.  So much of it’s story speaks directly to my soul as a writer.  The act of creating something that lives and breathes out of nothing is one that is very precious to me.  The  desire to create has always come to me in times where I felt helpless to things happening in my life.  Writing helped immensely during my cancer.  Another rush of creativity came to me when I learned that having a child would not come easy for my husband and myself.  The greatest desire came after I miscarried my first pregnancy.  My stories are not unlike children after all.

I also love what the artist says above, “I wanted to show, that you always have to leave something behind if you want to reach for a distant goal.” It’s so beautiful in it’s truth.  Another way that this painting pulls at my heart is how much it reminds me of the boys I love most in my life.  They have served as my inspiration for many stories of adventurous feats and epic tales.  You know who you are and I am forever grateful to have you in my life.

Seek What it is that Creates You

I love this quote.  Life truly is what you make it.  We all have circumstances that make some things hard to acheive, but we also have talents that make other things easier.   I believe discovering your passion is the key to happiness.  That one thing that makes getting out of bed easier in the morning, that is what makes life worth living.  Your passion is what creates you.  And your passion can be the thing that shapes your entire life.

Too often people settle for what’s comfortable or secure in order to just get by.   I, myself, am guilty of this.  I delagated my passion into a casual hobby, and hobbies are always the first things to be sidelined when life gets busy.  It amazes me just how easily I am able to drop the things that truly make me happy in order to do things that can wait until another time or to do things to please others.

I think people forget just how much power they have.  We have the power to make the decisions that will lead us to greater things, that will lead us to our happiness.  I intend to use that power, I hope you do too.

P.S.

I have seen this quote accredited to George Bernard Shaw, not sure why this one says “unknown” but I liked the graphic.

Evil Pencils

The ideas have been flowing so freely lately that I naively thought that Mr. Block and I had seen the last of each other.  But somehow he’s found a way to weasel his way back into my life.  Blast!  I am working on a new brainstorming/outline technique that I am hoping will get me over the hump.  So, here’s to shackling myself to the keyboard this weekend!

Lawrence Yang

Fire Flower

Forest Creature

Growth

Butterflies

Goldfish

I love StumbleUpon and if you don’t use it then you are missing out.  Much of what I post here is a direct result of repeatedly pressing the Stumble! button when I should be working.

One of my most favorite finds is an artist by the name of Lawrence Yang and his website suckatlife and blog blowatlife.  I find his art so inspiring.  The kind of work that I could stare at endlessly and create my own stories for.  The colors are gorgeous and in many of his pieces there is this odd combination of both loneliness and hope that create beautiful stories in my head.

In Pursuit of Happiness

A few days ago I was telling Ramses that as I near 30 I have been feeling very strongly about going after what we really want.  Since November Ramses has completed countless written tests, physical agility tests, interviews, and 25 page + background packets all in pursuit of what he wants… a career in law enforcement.

As I watch him study, train, and wake up at inhuman hours to make appointments in his sharp-looking suit my heart swells with pride.  Up until this point in our lives we’ve been content.  For the most part we’ve achieved everything we set out to achieve and live comfortably enough.  We have a wonderful marriage and a beautiful home.  But contentment does not equal happiness.  I think what was missing was… passion.  Neither of us pursued fulfillment.  We have both worked decent jobs that paid the bills but if I lost my job tomorrow the only thing I would miss is the paycheck.

So what do I truly want from this life?  I want to be healthy.  I want to be a mother.  I want to write and I don’t care if I ever publish anything, I just want to write and finish something that I start.  My goals are simple and as I achieve them, loftier goals may surface but I am willing to focus one day at a time.

Anything of worth takes risk and sacrifice.  And as I watch the people around me follow their passions I feel truly inspired.

Kaylee’s Journal

Documenting Shadow Ridge

P.S.  I am a sucky artist but I am having fun creating a character journal for the Shadow Ridge world.  =P

Headaches & Hand Grenades

A week’s worth of random thoughts in no particular order:

• Steamed Shumai seemed like a good idea at the time… But I didn’t realize that  pigs and shrimp are natural enemies until they took their war to my stomach Saturday night.
• As I get older my allergies are getting worse.  I feel like I have been floating outside of my body for the last 3 days.  Claritin take me away.
• My allergies let up just in time for a killer sinus headache to settle in causing me to miss work.
• Chocolate makes everything better except for my waistline… I’ve gained 10 lbs since December (and Ramses’ lay-off.)  Time to put more focus into climbing  My Mount Everest.
• I am super-excited about tomorrow night’s game session!  Woohoo!
• Speaking of which… this monkey has got to get back to her cage!  I am ALMOST done… Eek!

Juxtaposition

It’s been a week since I started my new blog and I’ve gotten lots of positive feedback.  I am thankful that people are finding it enjoyable enough to visit.  =)  Last Friday, Ramses and I were lucky enough to see Matt, Robert, and Amanda and go over character ideas.  It was lots of fun and reminded me that I have really creative and funny friends to share this new story I am working on with.  Each of them bring something different to the table and give me some great ideas to bounce around.  I am so thankful that they are sharing in my enthusiasm.

Oh, and an extra special congratulations to Matt for finishing all his school work and for being offered that awesome opportunity to contribute to a new textbook on the Holocaust… not that the Holocaust itself was at all awesome.  Wow… it’s really hard to be excited for a friend when his great new opportunity is to discuss the murdering of the Jews during WWII.  Hmm… juxtaposition-y.  =P